a) Often, the swirl of thoughts in our heads cannot find a clear path out until we speak aloud our many ideas or troubles. The attention of a loving witness can make the intangible more tangible. Though private activities such as meditation, artwork or writing are powerful tools to express our inner world, the act of sharing with another human being can really open up the channels.
b) “Brainstorming” is a powerful practice in the company of a great confidante. They can help you by their sheer interest and enthusiasm alone! Their attentive energy can often pull forth our greatest ideas into tangible form. The nebulous shapes in our head can finally be clearly identified when we articulate them to our confidante. If there is much creative synergy, then amazing ideas come from both parties. Instead of Perspiration, it is a big dose of Inspiration! Instead of a work session, it is a play session!
c) In the realm of idea sharing, having someone you trust in this role also means that you can reveal ideas without dispersing your energy in too many directions. I have found in my creative process, that having one or two confidantes is very helpful but having too many tends to scatter my energy. I joke with my students that it’s akin to premature ejaculation – you’ve shot your load all over the place so now you just want to lay down and enjoy the subsequent high! You feel so satisfied in the “telling of the idea”, that you no longer feel the need to actually “do it”. However, if you only share your seed with a few select people during the incubation stage, then you will more easily contain the life force within your body. The idea still wants to manifest through your action because it is not yet consummated. Having select confidantes will help you breathe energy into your idea without spilling all the life force…
d) For more intimate conversations involving great emotion, the confidante can inspire us to find the words to describe what we are feeling, be it dark or light. Without them, we would still experience the depth of our feelings but with them, we have a way to understand in a more linear way. This can be important when the emotions are confusing, complex or novel. Also, with some support, we may have more courage to face our inner world. We can take the time to really look within because this kind witness can make the process more real or palatable.
e) They say “misery loves company” but I prefer to acknowledge that a person’s burdens are lighter when there is compassion available. Instead of “dumping” on our confidante, we can see it as sharing our stories. We are learning to express ourselves and processing our healing journey. We are trusting others as we practice transparency. We are discovering that shame is not necessary. There is someone with whom we can share our deepest thoughts and feelings. Even when the confidante is not available, we find comfort in knowing that they exist and that they care for us. The unbearable heaviness of being can be lighter when we have someone on this planet who is unquestionably on our side. That is a great healing.
f) The confidante who knows our history and who has watched us evolve, offers the invaluable gifts of continuity and witnessing. It’s powerful to have someone that knows where we’ve come from and who appreciates how far we’ve journeyed. It’s healing to be understood and to be seen. There is also a special sense of accountability when we report back to a long-term confidante.
g) If our confidante is non-judgmental and compassionate, we feel free to discuss our mistakes as well as our triumphs. Our ability to transcend shame is boosted when we are held with such love and acceptance. A confidante who really knows our core essence can help us move past our negative patterns or beliefs for they recognize our true nobility. They can reflect to us our beauty and help us examine our ugliness with courage.
h) A confidante is not only a witness but they can also be a safeguard. This is similar to the “buddy system” that we may have experienced in school or in outdoor activities that require some safety measures (such as scuba diving). They can help us acquire perspective at times when we lose ourselves in our circumstances or thoughts. They can support us when we feel lost. They can benefit us with their wisdom or skills. They can hold us when we cannot stand up. Intuitive confidantes and/or professional confidantes may have specialized skills that are incredibly helpful.
This is a five-part article:
1) The Practice of Confidentiality
2) The Sacred Role of the Confidante
3) Benefits of Having A Confidante
4) Challenges of Having A Confidante
5) Tips on Picking A Confidante
This article is dedicated to my confidante and bestfriend Dhyanna. I have experienced so much healing through the long-term trust and love we share. I’ve shared my greatest joys and tribulations with her. We have been able to talk about anything because of the deep understanding and unconditional love that we have for each other. Though she now lives in the US, we still speak regularly and keep each other updated on both epic and mundane events in our lives. Having someone in my life who knows me this well, who sees who I am regardless of what happens and who loves me infinitely is a gift that i will cherish forever. Thank you for our eternal friendship…
