We may develop certain habits through the relationship with our confidante, depending on the mutual level of consciousness. Here are some habits to watch out for:
a) We can develop co-dependent tendencies where we completely rely on our confidante or we become anxious without them.
Antidote: Retain our independence and ultimately rely on our own inner strength and guidance. Even though our confidante is providing a precious resource, we cannot base our well-being on their presence or their abilities.
b) We may get into “emotional dumping” if we are not conscious of our intentions when we talk with our confidante. Instead of truly examining our thoughts or feelings, we release them onto our confidante and hope they can purge our hearts for us. We may want them to heal us or do the work for us.
Antidote: Be conscious of why we are telling this story and aim for a higher purpose. Remain responsible for our own state of mind and respect the confidante’s role as a loving witness and not a garbage bin.
c) We may misuse the confidentiality aspect to indulge in gossip, addictive drama, to boost our own egos or to manipulate others to achieve selfish ends. We may even abuse confidentiality to create divisions or wars between other people.
Antidote: Stay in our integrity. Be honest with ourselves in order to discover any crude or base motivations. We can change our motivation before we speak and transform the dialogue into a loving interaction.
d) We may embroil our confidante in a tricky scenario by divulging unnecessary information, information that presents a conflict of interest or information that is unsuitable for their constitution. For example, sharing mature content with a child may not be appropriate. (especially in the case of a parent who relies on their children as confidantes) Or sharing intense information with someone who is already in a vulnerable headspace may be irresponsible and even dangerous.
Antidote: Consider the consequences before sharing particular information. Who will this affect? Will the confidante be in a compromised position? Will it be difficult for them to keep this information private due to known pressures or moral quandaries? Is it too much information for this person?
This is a five-part article:
1) The Practice of Confidentiality
2) The Sacred Role of the Confidante
3) Benefits of Having A Confidante
4) Challenges of Having A Confidante
5) Tips on Picking A Confidante
