Tips on Picking A Confidante

a) Depending on the issue or topic at hand, you may require a specialized confidante. Perhaps you have one confidante who is your creative muse, another person as your sage counsel on matters of the heart and still another for your business affairs. Sometimes, there is a person who can serve all these roles. Being aware of your mutual chemistry, the level of expertise they have and the level of their interest will help you decide which topic they are suited for.

b) Ensure you trust this person and feel safe with them. You want to be able to fully open up: to be truly authentic and honest. Do you feel at ease with them and do they have the capacity to receive you with integrity?

c) Be discerning and understand that not everyone is ready to be a confidante. They may have reasons (mental, emotional, circumstantial) that prevent them from taking on this role in your life. They may not be aware nor able to articulate these things so it is up to you to observe and discern.

d) Do you have enough access to them? Establish clear protocol and ways to reach each other. If they are difficult to reach due to the distance or to their lifestyle, then you may need someone else who is easier to find in times of need. We can’t take it personally that they aren’t available but we can be practical in creating lines of communication that work for us. Having a confidante that you can easily reach by phone and someone whom you can visit in person is helpful.

e) Choose a confidante who can remain somewhat objective even though they obviously care for you. They are not there to take sides, they are there to witness and support your spiritual journey. They cannot have an ulterior motive or agenda. (e.g. if they want to sleep with you, then they are motivated in that way.) They also cannot be placed in a compromised position or else this sacred role becomes a terrible burden.

f) Even when you trust their integrity, you can help them honor your confidentiality by clearly communicating your wishes during each discussion. Perhaps you can declare not only your intention for sharing your story but also where this information is suitable to flow.

This is a five-part article:
1)  The Practice of Confidentiality
2) The Sacred Role of the Confidante

3) Benefits of Having A Confidante
4) Challenges of Having A Confidante
5) Tips on Picking A Confidante

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