From childhood, we are taught how to do most of the basic things for survival… like how to eat, how to use the toilet, how to speak, how to walk or how to clean ourselves. Of course, we are also learning some of the norms of our immediate family; we discover what’s okay and what’s not in terms of our appearance, our expression, our creativity, our hopes, our dreams, our fears and our behaviors overall.
Then we move onto kindergarten and school where we learn more life skills like reading, writing, mathematics, physical education and computers. Unconsciously, we are also learning the approved norms of our social groups and institutions. All of these experiences are meant to prepare us for a life of success or at the least, a life of basic survival in the modern world. Deeply embedded in our consciousness, is the Darwinian concept of “Survival of the Fittest”. Feed, clothe, shelter and protect our body and its resources!
There is a strong drive to survive at all costs.
And many of us are also encouraged to succeed at all costs.
At some point, we are released into the world as so-called adults and we do our best to survive. We do our best to succeed. We may be highly educated and even privileged. We may have all the things and all kinds of opportunities yet, somehow, there is a strange ache inside many of us.
For those who know this ache, it is known by many names. I could go through them all but I think that Existential Ache really captures its spirit. It’s a conscious nod to the well-known term “existential angst” but I feel that ACHE reflects how it feels to long for our purpose, our worth or our place in the world.
So what does Existential Ache feel like?
It’s not like the ache in your bones from arthritis.
It’s not like the ache in your belly from too many rich foods and sweets at Christmas time.
It’s more like the ache in your heart from being separated from a loved one.
It’s more like the ache of being deeply betrayed and becoming disillusioned with life itself.
It’s creates a sorrow that cannot be placated by pleasant company, intoxicating substances or entertaining activities.
The ache is because you are in mourning.
You are mourning because a crucial part of your being is being slowly crushed or compressed.
You are mourning because your spark is greatly diminished and you feel you are no longer radiating light in the world.
You are mourning because you feel like you are not honoring your potential or that you are not being true to yourself.
You are mourning because you are dying a slow death as you become a Shadow of your True Self.
This existential ache is the deep pain of your soul’s disappearing act AND it is also the deep yearning for your soul’s aliveness to return.
This ache might have started a long time ago or it might be more recent.
Either way, it often begins in one of four areas of your soul…
TRUTH
When you learn that your truth makes others react unpleasantly, you may slowly suppress what is true for you in order to appease or to avoid conflict. On the other hand, you may ignore your own integrity or needs in order to survive or succeed based on society’s rules.
Somewhere along the line, you may have realized that it was not safe to speak your truth or honor how you are truly feeling. As a result, you may have trouble setting boundaries, making decisions or choosing a life path. You may also have trouble recognizing your authentic dreams and desires because you’re so accustomed to bending to other people’s preferences or expectations…
The Existential Ache shows up when you have stopped being true to yourself in some area of your life. This suppression can eventually lead to a domino effect – impacting many aspects of your being.
Your soul is calling you to reconnect to your higher truth and honor your own integrity. It’s urging you stand up for your beliefs, your needs and your visions. It’s asking you to be courageous and listen deeply to your inner wisdom even if there are short term reactions or fears from others.
LOVE
If you have been given conditional love, you often get stuck in a cycle of rebelling against those conditions or attempting to meet those conditions. Either way, you don’t feel truly accepted.
If you haven’t received true compassion and understanding, you can spend your life beating yourself up or trying to prove yourself worthy. This is another cycle of survival that traps us in unhealthy dynamics with others or within ourselves. You may also suffer from deep loneliness that can never be quenched because at the core, you came to believe that you are either not worthy of love in this lifetime or that Humanity, the Universe or God does not love you…
The Existential Ache develops when you feel a perpetual lack of true acceptance and understanding. It grows when you do not feel seen or valued on an inherent level. It’s painful to keep seeking love that is fleeting, conditional, inauthentic or forever out of reach.
Your soul is calling you to heal your heart and transform the wounds that block you from drinking from the infinite river of love that surrounds you. When you are connected to that universal flow of love from within, you will be guided by the heart’s incredible wisdom and light.
AWE
As a child, you had a natural sense of wonder because you were new to the world and your curiosity led you to experience all kinds of awe on a regular basis. However, with each disappointment or betrayal, you lose your sense of wonder. With each admonishment and disapproval, you focus your attention on supposedly “realistic” or pragmatic things.
Slowly, your enchantment with life is replaced by To-Do lists or practical goals. Survival or success takes precedent and many times, you may lose your sense of playfulness and imagination. You may even lose your sense of humor and become cynical.
The Existential Ache arrives when you start to lose your sense of magic. Though you don’t have to believe in fairies or fairytales, your soul needs to revel in life’s mystery and majesty in order to feel truly alive!
Your soul is calling you to explore what is most beautiful, enchanting, breathtaking, brilliant and awe-inspiring to you. Whether you are in science, business, sports, arts or health, there is Awe to be found. When you feel awe, you radiate joy and you spread magic to others.
LEARNING
You probably know the value of education. You have been taught that learning is important via your guardians, schools and institutions. However, much of what is taught is about obedience and following instructions. Though creativity is certainly rewarded in the job market, most schooling tends to prepare us for a life of obeying rules, following directions and doing what we’re told.
I know many people who only started to enjoy “learning” AFTER they finished school because their classes were so uninspiring. Once they were able to choose their own learning path, they discovered many subjects of interest. Beyond a standard school, there are infinite ways to learn and infinite themes to explore.
The Existential Ache arises when you are not able to evolve or develop your talents and interests. Maybe you cannot see the teachings in a situation or maybe you are not in a conducive environment for learning. Maybe you feel stuck in the same patterns or you are blocked by circumstances from discovering your true potential.
Your soul is calling you towards your genuine curiosities, passions and dreams. Your inner being has many gifts to share with the world and your Renaissance Spirit comes to life when you invest in joyful learning, exploration and adventure!
Feeding Your Soul’s Aliveness
Beyond feeding yourself on physical level, I invite you to feed your soul…
Where is your Existential Ache coming from and what soul food you are needing right now?
What do you hunger most for right now?
…Truth
…Love
…Awe
or Learning?
All these areas of your inner being will benefit from loving attention but begin with the area that is most depleted…
Feeding the soul is a continual affair. After a while, it’s easy to become complacent, forgetful or neglectful as you cruise along life’s highways and fast lanes. Sometimes you don’t notice how you start to suppress, attack, deny or diminish your spirit.
Yet, when you do feel Existential Ache, it is not a failure.
It is not a weakness, punishment or a curse.
It is your Soul calling you.
It is your soul remembering who you truly are and your inherent value.
It is your soul reminding you of your beautiful dreams and urging you to honor them. Your dreams bring meaning and magic to the world.
Though we are not officially taught how to feed our soul through our family, institutions or society, our Existential Ache is a call to action.
The ache can awaken us to our soul level needs – which are as valid as physical needs.
Soul Aliveness is the most powerful form of CURRENCY!
When your soul is bankrupt or your soul currency is depleted, you will have nothing to give of yourself and you will find it hard to receive from others.
Your soul’s aliveness is the richest foundation for your physical health, wealth, creations and joy.
When your soul is nourished, your inner spark comes to life and your inner fire will burn brightly again.
Your energy and vitality will be revived. Your creativity and intuition will be re-activated. Your desire to grow, transcend challenge and build your dreams will be revitalized. Your abundance and resources will begin to flow. Your natural charisma and joie de vivre will radiate once more.
No matter how small, invisible, extinguished or defeated you might have felt, if you feed your soul, you will truly understand the spirit of the Pheonix and how it can rise so eloquently from the ashes.
If you hunger for Truth, Love, Awe and Learning…
If you have a thirst for meaning and beauty…
…Then feed your soul with the fruits of Integrity, Compassion, Wonder and Curiosity.
I wish you a wonderful New Year and celebrate your soul’s aliveness…
