Follow Your Fetish: How tutus and top hats helped me find my communities

I thought I’d share how I found my beloved communities or what some may call my tribes or chosen families…

It’s actually a multi-layered story but I’ll focus on how the practice of Following Your Fetish (a methodology that I teach) helped me along the way…

“Follow Your Fetish” is my tribute to Joseph Campbell’s famous phrase “Follow Your Bliss”, except I find that many people don’t know what their bliss is yet. However, we all have fetishes – those small curiosities, interests or affinities that are genuine and playful.

The issue is, people tend to dismiss their small curiosities, interests and affinities.

They crush these fetishes by asking heavy questions like:

How will this small curiosity pay my rent?

How will this help me with my higher purpose or calling in life?

How could this trivial interest possibly matter?

Well, they do matter.

These curiosities are little cosmic breadcrumbs from your soul which lead you out of a giant maze of confusing thoughts, towards what you genuinely care about.

So, here’s a story about how I followed a small fetish and where it eventually led me…

In 1997, I began a healing journey that would last nearly 8 years. Trusting my soul’s guidance, I left the film industry even though I’d built many important connections and turned down an opportunity to work on the X-Files. I was also performing as a singer/songwriter and stopped doing music in order to embark on this voyage of soul exploration.

To dig into my health challenges and existential questions, I knew I would need at least 2 years of stable income and quiet lifestyle. So, I took on a day job at a government office because it would fund my healing journey and give me time to focus on healing work.

Not surprisingly, I could not share my full self at this job. My passions, my true interests, my humor and my style could not be expressed here. Though I pushed the envelope on the dress code and offered my clients as much compassion as possible, the rules and guidelines were very restrictive. There was only so  much eccentricity and autonomy that they could allow at a federal government office!

As a creative outlet, I dressed up occasionally outside of work and was quietly collecting tutus, fun furs and top hats from vintage shops which reflected my soul. I always had an interest in wearable art and even in junior school, I would put together eclectic outfits from what i could find in the house and created a fashion calendar to manage my outfits.

Obviously, I could not wear any of these items at my work. I also missed the creative freedom I had before and though this job was funding my healing journey, it was now making me ill too. Everyday, my soul was being starved because this job was not aligned with my true self.

After 3 years of soul suppression, I wrote my resignation letter.

In 2002, I started doing performance art through cabaret and burlesque while I continued with my inner work.

Even though I still had shadows to address, I was able to express my soul again AND wear my playful costumes on a regular basis!  Special occasions like Halloween did not come around enough so I was creating a life where costuming was the norm…

Then, in May 2005, I emerged from my healing journey with my body aligned and my heart wide open. As a private symbolic act, I had “married myself” and decided to attend my first festivals that summer as my “honeymoon”.

I remember arriving at Envision Festival on the Sunshine Coast and then at Shambhala with my tutus, fun furs and top hats only to discover that there was a WHOLE community of people into the same aesthetics!

I had no idea when I was collecting these items back in 1999-2001 that it would lead me to find my tribe one day!

I did not imagine that when I started doing burlesque, that it would later connect me to so many of my future friends, students and clients! 

If I had questioned my fetish for tutus and top hats, I would have lost enthusiasm and extinguished the magic. I might have censored myself or kept them in the closet for a lifetime. I might have judged myself as being ungrounded.

I might have doubted that one could make a living so unconventionally – as a performance artist and spiritual mentor.

I hope this story encourages you to trust your small curiosities, interests and affinities!

For about 20 years now, I’ve seen what happens when people follow their fetishes and I have collected many case studies that I share in one of my courses – including stories from friends, peers, students and clients.

Often, I share the Follow Your Fetish methodology with clients when they are searching for some answers about what they want to be or do next. By learning to hear their soul’s guidance in smaller ways, they can joyfully reach their bigger dreams and calling…

May you express your soul magic in this lifetime…

Are you being true to yourself and your higher purpose in this lifetime?  I invite you to book a complimentary “Dream Mapping” call to clarify your life path & see how I might support you.


In this very focused 30-minute session, we’ll map out the talents, experiences and dreams that you wish to cultivate and see if the Sacred Dream coaching program is a fit for you. I’d LOVE to work with you to express your Soul’s magic!

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