ConvergeCon 2019 Seminar: The Desire Gauge: When Sexual Desirability is Tied to Self-Worth

Seminar on Saturday March 30, 2019 at 11am PST
Live at ConvergeCon

Simon Fraser University Harbour Centre
515 West Hastings Street
A conference on positive sexuality, relationship & activism

I am so honored to be one of the selected speakers for a conference on positive sexuality, relationships and activism called ConvergeCon happening March 30-31, 2019 in Vancouver!

About the Seminar:

What are the different ways in which your Sexual Desirability may be tied your Self-Worth? Many of us have been objectified or hyper-sexualized so that we derive our sense of value, power or opportunity from how much desire we can provoke in others. Whether we like to hunt or be hunted, we can be extremely consumed with it or be extremely depressed when there is a lack of it. While sexual desire is an invigorating and healthy energy, it can be also very debilitating to equate it with happiness or self-worth. The obsession with being desired can also lead us to engage in interactions that are not safe or not aligned with our true wishes. If we measure ourselves by the Desire Gauge, it can take up a lot of our precious energy and block us from sharing the fullness of who we are.

In this session, we’ll look at how this gauge has impacted our lives in real ways and explore how we can cultivate a healthy self-esteem that includes desire but is no longer run by it. Little Woo is a spiritual mentor who helps unconventional creatives express their true selves and honor their higher purpose in their relationships and livelihood. To contact her directly or learn more about this work, visit

Check out this video interview about the Desire Gauge!

The origins of this seminar…

Often, I like to hear how something originated so thought I’d share some backstory.

Back in 2016, my friend Kristen sent me a question for my Q & A video series (formerly called Woohoo Wednesdays but later renamed: The Magic of Compassion when it became a podcast).

She asked: “How to stop using sexual desirability as a measure of self worth?”

When I posted my video response online, it struck a chord with many people so the next month, I hosted an online seminar for those who wanted to dive deeper.

Then last year, when it was time to submit my application as a speaker for ConvergeCon 2019, I proposed the Desire Gauge as it is more relevant than ever.

Though social media and the internet have been amazing tools, there is also a steady stream of images, videos and status updates that perpetrate what I call the Desire Gauge. People are extremely addicted to the online validation they get around their appearance and desirability.

Of course, the need for validation has plagued us long before the internet arrived. It affected me greatly in my youth as I initially learned about sexual desire from television, film and magazines.

Low-brow comedies like Three’s Company constantly showed how the sexy blonde received plenty of attention, opportunities and power as men lined up on her doorstep while the brunette was usually ignored or pushed to the background.

Even children’s cartoons like the Smurfs or Voltron had recurring plots where the sexy female character was captured as an object of desire by a male villain!

Over and over, the media and the beauty industry told me that my value as a woman was tied to my appearance AND how much desire I could generate in men.

However, growing up in a small conservative town on the East Coast of Canada, I noticed that men were not attracted to me and many were even repulsed! (Occasionally, a few revealed their desire for me in private but never in public or to their friends.)

Even though I liked myself, thought I was attractive and was developing my inner beauty, I often resented my body for not being white, large-breasted or blonde.

Though I disliked it, I could not help but measure myself based on the Desire Gauge and I was regularly upset that people did not desire me on a romantic or sexual level as I went through junior high and high school.

Finally, after a very painful relationship in my early twenties, I spent 2 years reconciling my sexual desirability issues. It was a wild ride and a very significant chapter of my 8-year healing journey.

As I released myself from the clutches of the Desire Gauge, I was able to embrace my full being and I celebrated through dance, performance art and burlesque while enjoying a new level of connection with other humans!

Over the last 14 years, I have embedded the teachings of self-worth in all my group workshops and my one-on-one coaching program.

At ConvergeCon on Saturday March 30, I will examine the impacts of the Desire Gauge, how it functions and how it can be healed. We will hear each other’s stories and develop deeper compassion for how it has affected us.

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